


Girl Crush

by ashwitch



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Drunk Dean Winchester, F/M, M/M, Song Lyrics, Stanford Era (Supernatural), Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:08:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23098351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashwitch/pseuds/ashwitch
Summary: Dean visits Sam at Stanford, and everything he's been trying to forget gets brought back up.Based on the song "Girl Crush" by Little Big Town/Harry Styles
Relationships: (briefly) - Relationship, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Jessica Moore/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Girl Crush

God, Dean hates Stanford. 

Really, he hates California in general, but there’s something about having to mingle with the preppy, jumped up douchebags that are crawling all over the place that’s really making his blood boil. 

_ Visit Sam, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. _ Yeah, if awkwardly leaning against a wall drinking flat beer out of a fucking red solo cup and not being able to even  _ talk  _ to your brother the whole time was their idea of fun. 

Jesus, since when was Sam so...sociable? In Dean’s mind his brother was in a constant state of being too busy bitching about something or storming off to a library in a huff to actually spend time with people, and now here he is, surrounded by a group of friends with a beautiful girl slung around his arm. 

**_I gotta girl crush, hate to admit it but_ **

**_I gotta heart rush, ain't slowin' down_ **

Jess. Jesus  _ Christ _ she was gorgeous. How Sam managed to bag her Dean would never know. Tall, blonde, legs for days, all wrapped up with a killer personality to go with it. He could tell Sam wasn’t taking what he had for granted either. 

Looks at her like she’s the goddamn sun. 

**_I got it real bad, want everything she has_ **

**_That smile and that midnight laugh she's giving you now_ **

It hurt. He knew it shouldn’t but it did. At the beginning of the night he just pushed it down,  _ it’s just because you haven’t been able to catch up with him _ he would repeat in his mind. But as the night progressed and the shitty beer began to kick in, his imaginary barriers were quickly crumbling, the sick truth leaking through the cracks. It hurt to see Sam so happy without him, it hurt to lose the laser focus Sam always had on him, it hurt to see him look at someone else the way he would look at him. 

_ Ah, but Dean, he’s never looked at you like he looks at her, has he? _

It was never the same. It didn’t matter how many memories he combed through, there wasn’t a single one marked under ‘reciprocation’. Why the fuck would it? 

_ You’re the fucked up one here, not him.  _

Dean looked back at Jess and studied her. She looked relaxed, the company and the alcohol loosening her up, but not enough for her to make a fool out of herself. Completely balanced, perfect, just like her carefully styled hair and natural makeup and her hot-yet-modest outfit. 

Fuck, he was genuinely as jealous of her as he was turned on by her. 

Mid-thought he’d noticed Sam lean into her and ask something intelligible, followed by her scanning the room. Eventually her eyes fell on Dean and she smiled brightly, giving a friendly wave to prompt him to join them in the conversation. 

**_I wanna taste her lips, yeah, 'cause they taste like you_ **

**_I wanna drown myself in a bottle of her perfume_ **

Dean sighed and trudged across the room, narrowly avoiding toppling over two drunk guys screaming out Independent Woman, to begrudgingly join in the conversation. Sam looked at him and smiled as they stood next to each other, the closest they’ve been all goddamn night, but his arm was still well and truly stapled around Jess’ waist.

Dean felt awkward. Out of place. He didn’t belong here and it pained him to realize that Sam did. The conversation went on and he slowly moved further into the background. There was nothing he could contribute to the conversation so why fucking bother. 

Eventually his cup ran dry and he stalked off to refill, but it was obvious that no one had noticed his disappearance. As he managed to actually find a bottle of something and turned around, he saw Sam looking back at him. The eye contact was prolonged, as if they were sending signals to each other _. I wanna go home, Sammy, please. _

Sam frowned slightly and looked at his watch. Holy shit, it actually worked. He then turned in again to Jessica, presumably to tell her they were leaving, and Dean simply watched his brother as he walked across the room to grab his girlfriend's coat before so carefully and considerately helping her into it, gently holding her hair up as she shucked it on. 

**_I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch_ **

Finally, Sam approached him, his tipsy smile shining brightly. “C’mon, let’s head back” 

It felt almost masochistic walking behind them on the way home, noting how they cling to each other as if they were holding on for dear life.

Or, you know, love. 

**_Yeah, 'cause maybe then, You'd want me just as much._ **

**_I’ve got a girl crush._ **

*****

Dean’s already shitty mood turned even shittier when they finally arrived home. During the rare times he'd seen his brother drunk he’d instantly noticed Sam became handsy, though no longer was it Dean that he clung onto and leaned against, grinning from ear to ear. No, that special spot now belonged to Jess. Before they were even through the door Sam was hugging and grabbing, and Jess loved it. 

Dean already felt like the outsider in this jumped-up fake suburban dream of Sam’s, and that was just the fucking cherry on top. Not even 10 minutes after getting in he could tell Sam was in desperate need of some action, making up some bullshit excuse about being tired and wanting a good night’s rest for whatever they were gonna do tomorrow. And so he let them go, hand in hand to their bedroom, resisting the urge not to punch a hole through the wall. 

Pretty quickly, he also learned the walls were so thin he probably could have punched a hole through one and it wouldn’t have made a difference. 

**_I don't get no sleep_ **

**_I don't get no peace_ **

This was torture. Literally torture. Jesus, why did he even agree to come here? 

Aching for any way to drown out the noise Dean began frantically searching through his duffel, looking for headphones, earplugs, fucking  _ anything  _ to stop him hearing the moans and whimpers floating from the bedroom, each noise another slice in his stomach.

**_Thinking about her_ **

**_Under your bed sheets_ **

Of course he didn’t have any of that because that would mean there was a god, but he did find an old bottle of Jack, half empty. He contemplated for a moment but then he heard a very distinctive  _ Oh Sam… _ and practically ripped the cap off, swallowing three mouthfuls. 

**_The way that she's whispering_ **

**_The way that she's pulling you in_ **

He sighed, laying back on the sofa and rolling up his jacket as a makeshift pillow. He managed to drift off with his hands clamped to his ears humming Metallica, pointedly ignoring his aching heart and his half-hard dick.

**_Lord knows I've tried_ **

**_I can't get her off my mind_ ** ****

*****

Dean was roused a few hours later by shuffling in the kitchen. Briefly forgetting where he was he was in immediate action mode, jumping up from the couch with his hand hovering over the knife in his pocket.

“Woah, Dean!” Jess whispered in a shocked tone.

Embarrassed, he heated up and nervously scratched the back of his neck. “Shit, sorry” 

“N--no it’s fine, I didn’t mean to wake ya” 

There was a beat of awkward silence before Jess, the loving good natured girlfriend she is said,

“I uh...couldn’t sleep so I was gonna make some coffee, maybe get some work done or somethin’, you want one?” 

He paused, simply looking at Jess. She stood in nothing but a cut up t-shirt and panties, silhouetted by the moonlight coming in from the kitchen window, lighting her hair like a halo.

“...Dean?” 

Before Dean had time for his rationality to kick in he found himself walking towards her, not stopping until he was face to face, a foot apart. Jess was silent, probably confused, but he spoke no words as he cupped her face, fingers gently intertwining in her hair, and kissed her. 

**_I want to taste her lips_ **

**_Yeah, 'cause they taste like you_ **

Immediately Jess sunk into the kiss, her lips parting as a subconscious invitation. Dean’s tongue pushed in, licking her bottom lip before meeting her own tongue. 

She tasted of salt. Holy fuck, she tasted of  _ Sam _ . 

Dean audibly groaned at the realization, his dick hard and aching for contact, but almost immediately Jess’ mind caught up with her. She instantly pulled away and shoved Dean away, tears beginning to prick in her eyes as she was hit with the reality of what they’d just done. 

“What the--What the fuck, Dean?!” 

**_I want to drown myself_ **

**_In a bottle of her perfume_ **

Dean couldn’t speak. There was no excuse, no justification. He just needed it. 

**_I want her long blonde hair_ **

**_I want her magic touch_ **

“I--I’m sorry” 

The useless words fell out of his mouth, not easing up the agonising tension. Before Dean could spout more bullshit both their heads turned at the sound of the bedroom door opening. Sam stepped out, eyes scrunched shut and hand scratching the back of his head. Dean took one look at him, shirtless and beautiful, and every emotion under the sun stabbed him in the chest at once. 

**_Yeah, 'cause maybe then, You'd want me just as much._ **

“Wh’s goin’ on?” Sam slurred. Neither Dean nor Jess responded at first, but eventually Dean swallowed his pride and bit the bullet. 

He didn’t belong here. 

“Sorry Sammy, I uh--I gotta head out, got a job early in the morning” 

Sam opened his eyes just enough for Dean to see the raw sadness etched into them. He didn’t want to go, Christ, he would do anything to fucking stay. But he fucked it up. He can practically feel Jess’ glare bore into him. 

“But...we were gonna hang out” 

Now that was a punch in the stomach. Dean could feel his eyes begin to sting, and nothing could have stopped the voice crack when he spoke. 

“M’ sorry Sammy, I gotta...I gotta go” 

He turned and walked out the door fast enough that he couldn’t see Sam’s reaction to it all. He knew the feeling that hit him as a passed the threshold will never truly leave him, but what the fuck else could he do? 

_ Fuck up. Fuck up. Fuck up _

**_I got a girl crush_ **

Dean got into the car and pulled out of the driveway as fast as he could, not even looking to see if there were any other cars on the road. 

**_I got a girl crush_ **

**** He raced down the street, ignoring the tears welling in his eyes. He kept driving, driving fucking  _ driving _ until he found the correct highway out of the state. 

**_Hate to admit it but_ **

**_I got a heart rush_ **

_ How the fuck did you think this could work?  _ Dean manically thought to himself as he bolted down the highway. _ How did you think this would end well?  _

He made it onto the 580 faster than he thought he would. 

No looking back. 

**_It ain't slowing down._ **


End file.
